


patches of ice | yuri!!! on ice

by Velairena



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, longlostlovers, ooccharacters, oocyuuri
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-08
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-08-19 20:09:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8223325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Velairena/pseuds/Velairena
Summary: In which Yuuri Katsuki is a retired figure skater and a world famous violin player and the long-lost lover of Viktor Nikiforov, the five-time consecutive world champion. So when his ex's protege abruptly shows up at his family's hot spring, all hell breaks loose---…Enough said and done for Yuuri to know that to get out of this particuler mess, he's going to have to go through more than just a couple rough patches of ice.





	1. post-break-up depression

The routine today wasn't his best.

 _Second_.

But he knows no matter how hard he tried, he wouldn't be able to beat  _him_. No matter how long he spend training in Detroit, no matter how many time he spends bickering with the other Yuri. It just wouldn't be enough.

"A commercial photo? Sure." He talks as if they are strangers. Azure eyes glinting with unhidden mirth, Yuuri takes it in a breath. Viktor Nikiforov makes it sound like he would  _love_ to.

But Yuuri looks. To anyone else, it would just seem like a normal photoshoot with the great Viktor Nikiforov. But Yuuri Katsuki knows. He knows the platinum haired man that stands in front of him. Viktor  _never_ initiates. And Viktor Nikiforov could make a photoshoot as complicated as solving the next number of Pi for a normal person. So Yuuri looks,  _looks_ , and walks away, disappearing within the crowd.

***

_Yuuri Katsuki. Violinist, semi-retired skater with an unremarkable career._

_***_

Yuuri doesn't know why he's back in Kyushu. But he is, and there's nothing to say. He shouldn't be, with the Men's Championships so near, but Yuuri knows, if he stays out of  _their_ way, they'll stay out of his. 

So he walks in to his family's onsen silently, not disturbing anyone until Minako _-sensei_ suddenly spins around and beams. "Yuuri!" She cheered, rocketing towards him while he tried to move his violin case without damaging it and desperately, attempted to avoid his former coach, with no avail, as the rest of the room laughed and hooted.

His family greeted him as they always had. His mother with a deliciously steaming plate of pork cutlets, his father making a comment about he was just like his mother, which had Minako immediately stripping him of his jackets, reliving him of the luggages and pulling up his shirt while others watched in anticipation—

But no dollop of fat dropped out, much to the disappointment of everyone else, while  _sensei_ declared that she didn't know whether she should be happy for him that he was still following the training regiment, or let down since she wouldn't be able to scold him. So Yuuri only laughs and takes the plate of pork away from his mother and escapes upstairs, making a lame excuse about practice and jet-lag.

His room was better. But not by much, for the first time since he left skating he feels the urge to cry and show strong emotions. Posters and pictures of  _him_ covered every inch of his room, from wall to wall, each corner and edges covered. Posters ripped from magazines, interviews carefully cut from newspapers. And unlike before, even before when they became friends, he does not feel a bought of adrenaline and rush of excitement. Not anymore. Not since last year... He feels his throat close and tighten.

Now, all Yuuri feels when he sees the sharpened visage of Viktor Nikiforov is faint melancholy and the bitterness of bile rising up his throat, and the iron cage around his heart, squeezing and suffocating with the feeling of something unfinished. 

Right,  _something unfinished_. That's exactly what they were.


	2. 2| when life throws yuri plietsky at you, retaliate by throwing back lemons

Yuri Plietsky had only seen Yuuri Katsuki a handful of times before.

It was often when his champion coach, mentor and upperclassman brought him along when the Japanese Yuuri had a performance near St. Petersburg, or when Viktor Nikiforov just dragged the Japanese Yuuri there for no reason.

Other times, it was when Yuuri was skating.

And the last time he saw Yuuri skate was during the Grand Prix Finale. But the place he never expected to see Yuuri to skate was on a screen on his phone skating Viktor's free skate routine. Like literally, _what the fuck_?! The video had been private, but due to the time Yuri saw Yuuri enter his YouTube password he got in just fine (like literally, it was so easy that it's unbelievable — _iloveporkcutlets123_ ).

But anyways, whenever he saw Yuuri, Viktor would always be somewhere near (unless you refer to the times Viktor switched the channels to watch Yuuri perform).

Now, would be another of the rare times Yuri saw Yuuri, in real life and not on TV, and without Viktor somewhere nearby.

But seriously. What. The. Literal. _Hell_. He looks. And he sees Yuuri Katsuki, without a shirt, holding a tray of limes (or were they lemons? Yuri couldn't tell) and full out glaring at him. Not that it mattered of course. Yuri already knew Yuuri would be pissed, besides, that glare he was leveling at Yuuri's face was nothing compared to that old fart of a coach or his own glare, for a fact. So Yuri just stares right back. "Yuuri Katsuki," he grins. "I want you to train me for the Grand Prix!" He declares proudly.

But Yuuri Katsuki looks. Looks. Looks at Yuri Plietsky in a way not at all unlike the way he had looked at Viktor Nikiforov and his raised, outstretched hand the day of the Grand Prix finale. But finally, Yuuri's expression takes a ninety-degrees turn and he downright scowls at Yuri before re-positioning and angling his tray of limes/lemons before chucking them---

\---At Yuri's _face_.

The momentum and impact made Yuri fall backwards and back into the scaling hot waters of the onsen, drenching him from head to toe and the heated, scorching water makes his skin burn with a feeling that felt like he was being skinned alive until a hand abruptly clenched on his shoulder and dragged him back above water and onto the cold, snowy, and icy stone.

Yuri coughed. " _What the fuck was that for?!_ " He roared, hauling himself further above the surface of the water to rid his body of the still scorching sensation his skin had. "I almost died!"

Yuuri only rolled his eyes. "Serves you right." He muttered under his breath and grasped Yuri's forearm. "What are you doing here? Seriously." 

Yuri rolled his eyes irritably. This was not going along as smoothly as he had originally planned. "Well, I said, I want you to train me!" 

Katsuki raises a neat brow. "Me?" 

"Yes, you!" Yuri resisted the urge to punch the bastard.

***

"I'm surprised you even managed to come here without Yakov knowing." The Japanese Yuuri stared at the Russian one, and crossed his arms. His face was the epitome of uncaring.

"Hoi!" Snaps Yuri. "Pay attention," he fumes. "Besides, who says I didn't tell Yakov I was coming to visit you?"

Yuuri only raises an eyebrow that says ' _really_?' and tells him to "define 'visit'".

Yuri grumbles and says something unintelligible. 

A ring interrupts him. Yuuri's face scrunches up expectantly. Finally Yakov, he scowls. _I thought you were blind to not notice_ him _of all people missing, old man._

And as expected, the moment Yuri picks up, Yakov's voice comes blaring through the speakers. " _Yuri! Why the hell are you in Saga?!_ " The old man blares in Russian.

"Oops," Yuri sounds as nonchalant as Yuuri was just moments ago. "You found out?"

" _WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING THERE?! DO YOU KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THIS TIME IS FOR YOUR SENIOR DEBUT? VIKTOR'S BUSY AND YOU DON'T HAVE ANYONE OTHER THAN ME THAT COULD TOLERATE YOU, SO GET BACK TO TOKYO RIGHT NOW!_ " He screeches.

Yuuri winces.

And then it happened. Yuri just slams the speaker button shut and decides to retaliate. "SHUT UP! I DON'T WANT YOU TO TRAIN ME I'M ASKING VIKTOR'S EX! KATSUKI YUURI!" He screams back. 

That revelation made the old man scream again before Yuuri snatched the phone and hang up, and glare at Yuri while the blond glared back and told him to "not break his phone"—

Yuri ended up with another tray of slimy, frozen lemons in his face. 

 _Serves him right_.

*** 

 


	3. 3| how do you spell the devil? "Y-U-R-I!" NOT the one with two U's

Yuuri Katsuki stared at the blond-haired devil in front of him. " _Yuri Plisetsky_." He growled.

Yuri looked up. At the statue. "Augh, creepy." He grins manically then snaps a picture with his phone. And then winces. "Dammit, if I post this, Yakov will know I'm here..."

 _He already does_. Yuuri wants to add. Last night, Saeko managed to confuse rice wine with  _beer_  and gave Yuri an entire bottle of it, and a hangover Yuri, is an  _impossible_ Yuri, and just  _Yuuri_ 's luck, the hungover made Yuri  _completely_  forget that Yakov had already known that Yuri was here.

Yuuri sighs. He was going to have to make a call to the Russian old man. He's just going to hope that he calculates the differences between the time zones right and Yakov doesn't just happen to blare his voice in the middle of practice.

 _How do you spell the devil?_  Yuuri asks himself sarcastically.  _Capital Y-U-R-I._

***

Skating is an intricate thing. The music you pair with your routine has to be just right, the beats of your techniques and moves must be perfectly on time so you do not miss your designated moment of your music. 

However, to Yuri, it seemed like there was only winning. Yuuri doesn't like his attitude.

Skating wasn't just about winning. It was about being free on the ice. That's why Yuri's image of him playing the violin while Yuri skates doesn't quite fit with Yuuri's own. 

Because the ice belongs to only one person alone.

So Yuuri tries to show Yuri exactly that.

***

Yuri expected nothing of Yuuri at first, because  _seriously_ , what  _can_  you expect from the guy who hasn't appeared on  _any_  skating event for the past fourteen months? Nothing, thinks Yuri.

Yuri doesn't understand why Yuuri bothers evens making him listen to On Love: Agape, and didn't just assign him Eros right away. Yuuri knows Yuri. Yuri know Yuri. And Yuri is not pure, nor is he kind and gentle and untainted. No, Yuri is an untamed, uncontrolled, uncaged beast of the jungle, the king of the wild. Yuri is not an angel. Yuri is not the blinding flashes and wings made of the softest feathers.

But Yuri looks. Watches, observes and  _dissect_  him anyways. He prepares himself to deduct the Japanese's moves and routine and specialties. He looks, so he might see what Viktor Nikiforov could see.

But  _nothing, nothing_  prepares Yuri for the sight before him.

A soprano voice starts off the music, an arm raises above his head, ebony hair falling into his visage, arm falling, spinning. Yuri is entranced by the man who looks exactly like the thing, the being, the deity that Yuri had just claimed to despise moments ago. Arms stretched and flapping behind his back like wings, then a spin, hand intertwined, eyes to the sky, as if he could see it. Yuri wondered if Yuuri Katsuki could truly see the gates of heaven. Ice flying, storms of white rising. But Yuuri is in the eye of the storm, unaffected, causing the storm. 

Spins, creating a painting, a poem on the ice itself. A fairytale of the angel and his story of romance and love. Legs twisting, backs arching, head bowing and arms spread far and wide.

Yuri does not speak.  _Cannot speak_.  

But Yuuri just smiles. 

_Yuri, in the eyes of the world; I am nothing more than a piglet, as you are no more than a cute kitten._


	4. 4| ALL DEMON HAGS' NAME ENDS WITH 'ILA'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lilia Baranovskaya and Mila Babicheva pays Yuuri a visit with Yuuri.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUCKIING HELL I'M TIRED. I FINISHED PRESTO UPDATE BEFORE EPI.4 CAME OUT.
> 
> I HAD TO WRITE ANOTHER 1000 WORDS FOR WONDERLAND.
> 
> IMMA DIE
> 
> CHECK BOTH OF THEM OUT.
> 
> PLAN MY FUNERAL.
> 
> SIGNING OUT;

Yuuri stood with his eyes wide. He should have known. Mila Babicheva stands beside Yuri with a brilliant smile. 

" _Yuuri_!" She cheers in accented Japanese. "What's up?!" She flies over to him and squeezes him around the torso. "I haven't seen you since you and Viktor broke up."

Yuuri stared at her. "What do  _you_  want?" 

He was sure that Mila had somehow managed to find out Yuuri's whereabouts. But if  _Mila_  could could find him... Then—

_Who else could?_

Behind them Minako gives a shriek behind them. She stabs a shaky finger in their direction. " _Lilia Baranovskaya!_ " She screeches, eyes wide and swaying slightly.

The Russian dark-haired woman raises an elegant brow, narrowing her green eyes at Minako. "Minako Okukawa." She drawls out the name in fractured Japanese and a sharpened Russian accent, as if only just remembering the name. "You are the  _prima ballerina_  that has once traveled the world?" Her voice is thick and low, as her gaze looked over a shaking like a leaf Minako. "Why did you stop?" Her voice is the edge of a butcher's cutting knife, even in her terribly delivered Japanese. 

Minako only gapes upwards. 

"Well?" There is an undeniable annoyance underlining her tone, but their is still a fraction of amusement. Yuuri frowns. One would think that someone who is as famous as Baranovskaya would be used to being gaped at now. 

Yuuri raises a surprised eyebrow.  _Well, apparently Baranovskaya hasn't... Even after thirty-eight years._  He adds the last part as an afterthought. He stretches internally.  _Well, time to dish out the acting skills_.

He puts up the mega-watt smile that could rival Viktor's own. "Welcome to the Katsuki family's onsen;  _Yu-topia_!" Yuuri practically beams. "Why don't you come inside?"

"We have..." For the next five minuets, he lists the type of nutrition and bodily functions, and health and minerals that Baranovskaya seemed to cling onto every word of, looking disturbingly interested while Mila and Yuuri only gaping at them with a  _(still)_  trembling, half-drunk Minako stumbles after them, still looking dumbfounded as Yuuri did when he first saw Yuri Plisetsky standing in his family's onsen two months ago.

_Two months ago._

Two months ago, he could've easily left skating, and if he  _wanted to_ , he could've easily pursued a solo career as a violinist as well — with out the devil — Plisetsky — showing up in Japan and demanding to be taught by him.

Yuuri sighs with something that almost looks like the trace of a smile.

He should get in contact with the Thai music student — Phichit would know where to find her.

***

"Yuuri!" The dark-skinned Thai says with something that sounds like a cheer. "I saw that video of you skating Viktor's program from the triplets' upload! You must be thankful for their consideration in making it a private video." He laughs, a slight hint of accents in his words.

His friend was mocking him. Yuuri laughs slightly. "You are still as informal as always, Phichit- _kun_ ," he smiles.

"And you still as formal." Phichit winks back. "But anyways," he leans in on a low wall, that was when Yuuri realizes the Thai man was in a rink. "You don't usually call me out of the blue like this; what do you want?"

"So, Phichit- _kun_ ," Yuuri grins, half-amused, half-exasperate at his friend's behavior.  _What friend just asks what they want?_  "I was wondering if you'd mind getting me the phone number of that conservatory student who wrote a piece for me."

A dark eyebrow raises from Phichit's visage. "You mean the one whose piece you turned down? Wow, Yuuri! You're brutal!"

Yuuri raises his own brow to counter with the Thai's laugh-mocking tone. "Are you, or are you not?" 

"Okay, okay," he laughs. "I'll put out feelers to see where she is."

Yuuri sighs. "It was a good piece, pity it got shelved in the end."

"Yeah," laughs (snickers) Phichit, "and it was the only one you actually brought to Coach Celestino yourself!"

Yuuri sighs. "So you're back home, huh, Phichit- _kun_?"

"Yeah, Detroit's boring without you, Yuuri!" He nods. "You should really come visit Bangkok again!"

Yuuri waves a hand. "I will, soon, don't worry." 

"Hm? You're going to start from the preliminaries again? But you ranked second last year, right after Viktor!"

"Well, news of my registration hasn't gotten out yet. Minako- _sensei_  wants the world to 'adjust' to my return... Or something like that." Shrugging, Yuuri scrolls through his phone.

It pings.

Once.

_Nishigori: shit. yuuri! check Instagram right now~_

Twice.

_Nishigori: ASAP YUURI  
_

Thrice.

_Nishigori: seriously yuuri NOW_

Yuuri pales and opens the Instagram app. 

Right there, three pictures stayed on the front page.

Mila with her selfie of her and Baranovskaya.

 _Shit_.

"I'll talk to you later, Phichit—" He disconnects the call before his friend can answer.

" _MILA BABICHEVA!_ "

He silently adds Lilia Baranovskaya's name beside it.

_Life lesson number one; all demon hags' name end with 'ila'._


	5. 5| just one year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wails like dying whale. this chapter sucks so much

Yuuri watches as his pupil goes through his routine. 

Yuri's movements are beautiful and his techniques spot-on... But they  _could_  do something about that scowl practically glued to his face. 

But that wasn't really the problem either. 

Figure skating was art in a physical form. And to be able to demonstrate art, you must first enjoy it, to enjoy it, you must  _feel_  it.

And Yuri wasn't. Now, under normal circumstances, if scowling was Yuri's way of showing emotions and excelling in his routine, Yuuri has nothing to say. But one; Yuri's one motivation and goal was purely to beat the world records that Viktor and Yuuri had set into place for him. And two; Yuri's scowl was A — his dislike for the routine he ended up being coerced into choosing and B: probably more likely than not, the scowl was also purely for the intention of pissing Yuuri off.

Because well, Yuuri's hiatus and Viktor's retirement had happened in practically months of each other, which means Yuri wouldn't be able to have the satisfaction of beating the man that had practically mocked him (in Yuri's perspective) since the beginning of his career. And since Yuuri was starting from the qualification rounds again, Yuri, probably less than willing to admit, was worried that Yuuri might purposely lose so he wouldn't have to compete anymore. 

But well, back to the point.

Yuri just wasn't  _feeling_ it. 

For a moment, Yuuri was tempted to say;  _maybe a temple would help..._

But well, because he isn't a drama queen like Mila Babicheva or Lilia Baranovskaya (they were going sight seeing today, so he didn't have to deal with them, too,  _thank god_ ) he just sighed and decided to settle with something else.

He smiles at Yuri exasperatedly and stops the music then glides onto the ice. "Maybe a waterfall would help."

***

It worked better than Yuuri would admit. But right now, he's hoping with all his heart that hopefully, Yuri had caught a cold from the whole ordeal. 

Because well, Yuuri didn't become one of the best skaters in the world by being dumb and yelling insults at everyone with a tongue as smooth as sandpaper like Yuri did.

Honestly, dealing with  _just_  Yuri and only for a couple of weeks feels like it was taking at least few years off of Yuuri's lifespan. He couldn't imagine what Yakov must've went through with two of them, and for the last twenty years. To be honest, he was surprised that Yakov was still alive.

Although, current concern was a bit different; warding off a sleepy  _and_  aroused Mila was much harder than he pegged it to be.

Not to mention, Yuri, the  _tsundere_  he is, refused to help and ended up getting dragged off by Lilia, who wanted to give him an earful about her  _prima ballerina_  crap that Yuuri was all too familiar with (though it worked better than Yuuri gave her credit for; not that he would ever tell her — she was already egoistic enough).

"Ack!" Yuuri squawks as a delirious Mila tries to make out with him.

***

It's the middle of the night. 

Yuuri can't sleep.

He dresses quietly, and goes out the door of Yu-topia quietly. 

It's late, but he's going to Hastsu anyways; he's been there at worse times — thunderstorms, blizzards, but he knows that Yuko or Nishigori would always be waiting for him there. When they were younger, Yuko and Nishigori always took the night shifts for the two reasons. One, so they could let Yuuri skate to his heart's content in the odd hours, and the latter well... The same demonstration of how Axel, Lutz, Loop were created.

He walks in, and Yuko smiles upwards, too used and too familiar to Yuuri walking in that it was almost comforting after five long years of only seeing him on the screen of a television.

***

【 _Note: please note that the music descriptions + references are according to the cover of Sam Tsui above, and not the actual song which is Lady Gaga's_ 】

Most skaters tend to stay with the instrumental and emotional music to give a classical vibe. Yuuri does that too sometimes, but Yuuri is no normal skater. And as a musician as well, he acknowledges all types of music. 

The only other he loved than his violin and skating was the type of music that could give him the rush of adrenaline and energy that made him feel anything was possible.

The first note is gentle, not betraying the true emotion of the song.

_I live for the applause, applause, applause_

He closes his eyes and listens to the music. At that moment, nothing matters. Not the falls, nor jumps, nor the axels and perfect Lutz's. He could be whoever he wanted, and whatever he wanted. He lets himself get lost in the music, spinning and falling, deeper and deeper into the music. 

Yuuri doesn't want to wake up from this dream. 

_Give me the thing that I love!_

The violin accents the keyboard, the crescendo, the feelings in Yuuri's chest brings tears to his eyes, makes him close his eyes, and fly across the rink, the ice that he has loved and been enamored been since he was child. The skates on his foot, that has before left countless bruises and cracked fingernails was now a warm and safe cocoon as he glides, not looking, eyes half closed, with the danger of crashing into one of the walls. But the thrill and adrenaline drowns the cries of danger that the logical part of his brain was shrieking at him. Yuuri doesn't care, because all he feels is his heart. 

Because all he wants is to escape from this world, even if it were just a moment. Just a single minute.

Just one year; they had promised each other. But in the end, neither of them were willing to let go.

_Live or the applause, applause, applause,_

_for the way that you cheer and scream for me_

_***_

Just one year.

_Just one more moment, will you stay in my arms until I have to let you go?_

From the two opposite halves of the earth two different individuals ask the other through the stars and looks for their answer far away.

 

*** 


	6. 6| the one time he's going to call yuri a monster

Yuri is changing. Yuuri could feel it.

It seemed that perhaps Yuuri had made the correct call in making them the two of them go to the waterfall.

Yuri was blossoming like a dahlia, fitting for his inspiration; the memories of his grandfather. With Lilia's own added side training of becoming the prima ballerina and Mila's occasional, unwanted encouragements, Yuri was on the fast track of being the most brilliant skater in the world — the shadow of both Yuuri and Viktor already in front of him, and Yuuri knew it was only a matter of time before Yuri surpassed them both.

There was a spark visible in Yuri's eyes and an undeniable sense of purpose in his movements that had been absent when he had first arrived in Japan months ago.

Seeing Yuri go so far almost makes Yuuri wants to just retire like Viktor and just watch to see how the angry, fifteen-year-old blond ball of spunk and insults could go.

Yuri pulls off an edgy quad salchow.

Yuuri's eye twitches and he contemplates on asking _kaa-san_ to prepare a plate of the lime-lemon-whatever-they-are so Yuuri could throw them at Yuri every time he pulls a stunt like that. Honestly, Yuuri feels his lifespan shortening every time Yuri does that.

 _Live strong, Yakov_. He says to the old man in his head silently.

And then, the _damnedest thing_! Yuri does yet _another_ unexpected quad!

In all his rage, for a moment Yuuri throws the apple core he nibbling on until now directly at Yuri's face.

And just like a month ago, when Yuri first surprised him in the hot spring, the object makes contact with its target.

The slam of Yuri hitting the ice should make Yuuri wince, but the almost slow motion of him falling and the similarly angry expression on Lilia's face won over. And for a moment, it seems the realizing expression on Mila's face actually made Yuuri be the slightest bit proud.

That was, the slight smugness had vanished into annoyance when Yuri scrambled up with admirable grace and snarled, spit flying, blond hair hair a storm around his face. " _The fuck?! That's the second time you've tried to kill me this month!_ "

Yuuri contemplates on throwing his clipboard at his pupil. " _Shut up!_ " He retorts back. " _You're going to kill yourself at the rate you're going!_ "

He could tell Yuri didn't give batshit about what Yuuri had to say.

But before Yuuri could say another word, Lilia stalks to the side of the rink Yuri sits, fallen and pulls him up then drags him off screaming.

Yuuri couldn't hide a smirk.

***

Yuri didn't forgive Yuuri until a week later, their only interaction for that week was when a stiff-limbed Yuri handed him a disk and asked him to watch, completely oblivious to the wide-eyed look Yuuri gives him.

Yuuri had only been told by Pichit that the Thai had gotten in contact with the conservatory student a week ago, and here was Yuri; his number one arch nemesis (or so Yuri and Minako-sensei says) showing Yuri his final edition of Yuuri's routine!

That boy was definitely a monster, that was for sure. Yuuri shudders in the sudden cold wind, then nods.

And the feel is different.

The moment that Yuri sets his hair loose from the bun that its been in for the past month Yuuri immediately feels the change.

This Yuuri is more mature than the one that had shown up at his doorsteps months ago. This Yuri feels powerful, unstoppable.

He made Yuuri almost feel defeated before he even steps on the rink.

Damn, he think. Yuuri was actually getting the vibe of the _prima ballerina_ crap Lilia and Minako had been ranting about, and from the sharp intake of breath from Mila, he knows she must feel it too.

The music is familiar. So are the moves (Yuri did admit his routine was based off of his own after all), but Yuri is different.

Yuri has taken flight and is soaring through the blue, crystal skies of ice, and like Lilia had said — shed his former self. All for one intention — the intention to win. The purpose to conquer. Like the feared general of an undefeated army of an undefeated empire. Yuri's occasional show of wolfish charm as the vulgar Russian Fairy through his veil of disguise seems to only ascend his performance; the tragic hero, enduring through the repeating cycle of love, loss, gain, and loss again.

And when it finally ends, Yuuri feels adrenaline drumming through his own veins, all his doubt washed away, his mind clear, one intention in sight.

Watching Yuri had dissolved his own doubts.

And Yuuri could tell the Russian boy wasn't going down without a fight.

So Yuuri was going to give him one.

Closing his eyes and smiling, breathing in and out through his nose, Yuuri feels the calm before the storm.

 _It was beginning_. The feeling that continued thrumming through every crevice, every bone of his body.

_It was beginning._

***


	7. 7| "'what you want'"

Days past quickly, if Yuuri had to sum them up with a sentence, it would be 'the vicious cycle of Lilia's yelling, Mila's snickering, Yuri's language (that often had to be omitted), and his constant of throwing lemons at his face'. 

About a month before the Qualifiers for the Cups, Yuuri had considered whether to stay in his District's or another's country's; Skate Britain was considered, so was USA, and Canada as well, since he had wanted to attend the concert of a fellow Canadian musician he had met a while back in France. But in the end, he decided that staying in the district's would do the trick; considering that there were probably skaters with undiscovered potential waiting to be found, and that since he was well-known  _and_  a favorite to win in most competitions he participated in, it would probably be an insult to some people for a Japanese to skate in another country's Qualifiers.

And then, finally, the assignments came out.

The only person he knew, or actually, even heard of competing in his Qualifiers was Kenjiro Minami, the seventeen year old who had done exceptionally in the Nationals. 

Yuuri remembers grinning boldly.  _Looks like someone would interesting at least_. 

Because Yuuri wouldn't lie — there was still some part of him that hopes he wouldn't return to the stage he had somehow stop loving. And just have an excuse to be able to use to console Yuri other than the fact he no longer wanted to. 

But that was a hard thing to do.

Breaking the heart of someone was always hard.

Especially if you used to be in love with them.

***

Yuuri's pretty sure Lilia surprised the entire Hasetsu population when she decided she'll enter with Yuuri as his coach. Minako almost fainted and tried to kill him, all the while shrieking about how unfair everything was and that  _she_  was the one who always idolized Lilia.

The triplets had told him that they were all extremely pleased that he had returned, no one more so than Minako, but judging by the appearance she had now, he highly doubted that.

So every time they told him that, he just laughed and told them off.

***

The crowd was practically screaming when he entered with Lilia. Someone even had the nerve to ask aloud if Lilia was the type of woman Yuuri sought after.

Yuuri only laughed and smiled at them, pretending to not hear that comment while inwardly glaring at them. Already painfully anticipating the tabloids and press's rumors that were bound to be on the front page of every single sports magazine.

And if luck couldn't be any worse, Yuuri drew first.

Now, first would't be the absolute  _worse_ position for someone who wanted to be just done and over with, but he'd rather not face Minako- _sensei_ , Lilia, Mila, Yuri, Yuko not to mention most of the Hasetsu population's combined fury. So Yuuri decided to suck it up. 

But the thing that motivated him the most was when Lilia pulled him aside before his performance to ask him.

_What do you want, Katsuki Yuuri? What does your heart long for?_

***

Yuuri is skating. He feels like he's skating.

He feels the fire he hadn't in a long time in his short life.

The seductress leaves the one who was supposed to be seducing. 

A jump, another one, one more.

He feels  _alive_. The sweat dripping from his hair line, the feeling of the calm. The sharp sting of the cold in his nostrils. The crowd cheering, the music. The music of the routine that Viktor had made with him. The companion of the routine that Yuri had skated. 

_What do you want, Katsuki Yuuri?_

_I want to be alive._

_I want, to be, **alive**!_

 

 


	8. midway

_"A song like you would never tell me the truth..._   
_It would turn me on, break me down,_   
_make me feel like there is nothing outside this room._   
_A song like you would have me lost in my youth—_   
_Oh, baby, a song like you..."_

Bea Miller,  _a song like you_

 

_***_

_my apologies for the long wait to all of my reader: who i'll have know whose support and encourage have always made my day better by simply clicking that vote button or making a comment that cracks me up or just makes me grin stupidly._

_i wasn't originally going to post this chapter seeing as it's just another lyric of a song: but, since it made a perfect break: i'll post my a/n alongside this and use it as a monument to remind myself that i have gotten through this writer's block._

_so, call it a confession, if you will._

_yes_   _, this a/n will be long. you're welcome to just skip this and wait the **presto** chapter coming friday._

_*ao3 edit* this is a confession of faults for **presto** , which is posted on my account, but mainly for that book because it is my first fanfic and a lot of things will be explained through my viewpoint first on that fanfic. also, i will add a  **patches of ice** confession at the end just scroll to the bottom._

_*_

_i stopped writing **presto**  a month before my theory exam began. i posted a chapter in all of my active books documenting that. however, when the first week of studying past, i felt like an extremely heavy weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. _

_i am a student, yes. i have exams to prepare for, parents to please, friends to interact with, homework to complete and when i started writing **presto** ; chapters to write, and plots to plan. _

_at first, it had been exciting and fun: i had never had any of my work as well received as **presto** , which was first published on wattpad_ _, and reader's feedback made me happy. but i knew if i wanted to make this book receive more recognition by updating regularly: after all, who'd read a book from an author who practically never updates? so i followed a schedule i had made; but soon, it became tedious. i had never been a particularly dedicated person, and seeing this book had actually made ten weeks (about three months) of continuous updating actually surprised me. but eventually, even my interest in the anime began to drop: it was a very entertaining and well-thought out anime, but there were always new ones to anticipate and old ones to rewatch._

_so, gradually, my passion for the book slipped away._

_then came my two months trip to china._

_i managed to force myself to squeeze in a chapter before i left. and i'm ashamed that i'd been so, so_   _relieved  _ _to be able to have a justified break away from writing. i thought that seeing more things in china, doing other things, and well, just_   _being away_   _, would return my freshness for_   _presto._

_unfortunately: it did the exact opposite._

_when i reread_   _presto_   _after coming back, i felt like i was seeing the character i had created and been so proud of come to life in a different light from before._

 _it was_   _cliched_   _, and suddenly yui seemed like a stubborn person who was unwilling to let go of the past, yet to scared to face the future, and_   _completely,_   _utterly  _ _attached to viktor._

_yui seemed like an underdeveloped, badly made, and yandere._

_so, i continued my hiatus and tried to edit my chapters into something i'm satisfied with. but over another couple weeks of thinking, i realized in some ways, her thoughts and actions are justified._

_yui isn't entirely what you would call sane, or someone who has a stable mentality around certain subjects. i'm sure all of you have realized this, and by the way: being un-sane is in no way meaning she's an absolute psycho or lunatic that needs to go to mental asylum or psych wards._

_she's probably someone who experiences post-traumatic stress disorder or post-traumatic breakdowns. or, maybe thantophobia -- the fear of being alone._

_viktor is someone who is like one of yui's mental pillars of support and an almost physical remainder that she deserves to well, be here. a protector whom most people would usually have as their parents, but in yui's case became viktor, as yui's died when she was young (there, another cliché)._

_another cliché that started another chain of reaction is that i also made yui a genius, and well, geniuses are isolated because they are smart, so she's never made any friends until she was practically in her mid-teens: thus the sadism and sarcasm that's become what most misunderstood people have called 'safety mechanism(s)' to shield themselves, walls to keep their feelings from getting hurt. besides, it doesn't exactly help that her only friends are literally a bunch of skating nerds while the only family she knows are more dorks while her little brother in name only is this overweight, self-hating, addicted to a dish with high calories (hence the overweight part) who's never been great at anything other than being an depression eater._

_not to mention that yui's been exposed to the media; the hungry sharks and vultures that can scar people for life and never leaves you alone. and that she entered not one, but_   _two  _ _industries with extreme rivalries and lying and betrayals. honestly, even thinking about that gives me a migraine._

_so i asked myself: have i really, created such a complex, un-understandable, and clichéd character that i don't even know how to write anymore?_

_i didn't know at the time. so i tried to read the books of other writers in the fandom, and tried to ease myself back little by little: rewatching the episodes, listening to the OSTs reading the wiki profiles of the seiyuu's and the characters themselves, and i suppose it did wonders._

_slowly i rediscovered the hype i had when i first watched the trailer and when the first episode came out, slowly i began to start writing 'base' chapters on my phone, again and started actually forming sentences and ideas that could make a chapter._

_so, if you read my fanfic. thank you._

_if you're reading this._

_thank you._

_regardless, i can promise that a chapter for **presto**  will come within the next two weeks._

 

 

_*ao3 edit*_

 

_now, for **patches of ice**._

_**patches of ice,**  now, did not come up with any problems like  **presto**  had.   
_

_the original plotting the writer behind Yuri On Ice had already done a_ _phenomenal job, and I only modified the background to fit its fanfic. the new yuuri was probably someone the yuuri the anime actually actually portrayed always wished he could be. indeed, in a way: the new yuuri was everything he wasn't. _

_new yuuri was a good skater who could do quads without falling and didn't have stage fright. new yuuri would slam a tray of frozen lime/lemon and a half-eaten apple core into russian yuri's face and get away with it. new yuuri won silver at the grand prix. and new yuuri was the long lost lover of viktor nikiforov, yuuri's idol._

_yuuri was **op**. literally. _

_so why, what happened to my inspiration?_

_well, it diminished with my interest with the anime.a_

_yuri on ice is a slice of life and sports anime. and yes, i am a fan of sports, but unlike with haikyuu!! and daiya no ace, yuri on ice was a sophisticated, gentle and very psychological exploration of yuuri katsuki: a man with something that similar to middle life crisis— whether to let go of his childhood dream of catching up to his idol or continue without support of guidance and risk to fail again — to shatter even more of the glass heart he knows himself to have._

_that was my understanding of the anime._

_and well now you know what i think of the anime, you should know if i the type that likes slice of life._

_okay, well yes. i supposed i do: i mean, ouran high school was a fun ride. i appreciate comedy in every situation. but i'm the more scientific and action and spy and politic **or**  the hardcore romance type._

_yeah, total spectrum opposites._

_so really, my interest with the anime diminished and so did my will to write **patches of ice**_

_yep, so that's how it went down._

_this is the confession for **patches of ice** , let's hope that after i finally update  **presto** , i'll have time for this._

 

_-lyse_


End file.
